Im thinking too much. Im thinking about what could have been and what is in front of me. Im thinking about a black hole that I can feel consuming me. My mentality is allowing me to fade into the background. Slowly but surely.
I constantly ponder everyday why I overthink situations. Why I sit here feeling sorry for myself. Why I’m the first person to say “I’m sorry.” Why i push people away to the point where i don’t actually have anyone left. I think, i have a hunch. It’s because I’m all I’ve ever known. I’m stubborn and I allow people to push me to the point of break.
To the point where i cannot physically take it anymore, to the point where there’s no going back. I’m not talking about physical actions I’m talking about verbal. When things start to change into something that’s outside of my comfort zone. i won’t ever, EVER let things change. I’ll dip my feet into the water but i won’t ever dive in.
Thats where things get me. I’m too afraid to try new things because people will hear. People will hear about what i’ve done and they’ll comment. In every human being that lives on this planet I know that there are some cases where they’re afraid of their surroundings. It’s what comes with the communities we live in.
Peer pressure and expectation is a big one. Social media portrays it. I know that and you know that. Yet we still give in. We still find the perfect lighting for our selfies. We still update our Facebook statuses and we will forever alter our appearances to new fashion trends. It’s all we’ve ever known.
Because of this teens struggle with communication. I saw a quote scrolling through Instagram (I see the irony too). Im going to break this down, simply because this one quote spoke so true to me. “Putting yourself out there takes vulnerability. Vulnerability is hard, and we, as a rule, tend to go for what’s easy;” That one sentence ” we, as a rule, tend to go for what’s easy;” this, this is why change is hard for all ages. The young, the middle aged, and the old. Stepping out of your comfort zone brings vulnerability. The one thing we’re all afraid of; letting down our walls, being vulnerable.
The next sentence goes on to say this “by that logic, closing ourselves off is the easiest thing in the world. We quote the words of others to do the talking for us, send each other links to articles and stories in lieu of actual conversation, post pretty pictures to adequately convey our current state of mind, all to avoid having